The Boy Crisis

I have joked many times that I am "Never going to get a little girl" in my life.  Either biologically or through fostering/adopting.  When we were blessed over 12 years ago with our first bio boy we were thrilled.  Two years later, bio boy #2 came and we were twice blessed.  Having boys was so exciting and new to me.  I had one sister growing up and very little exposure to true "boyhood".

Over the past year of being licensed in foster care, we have probably been called for 12 different children; only about 4 of them have been girls.  Obviously we have never been placed with a girl, so I have resigned my post to boys... four of them now ;)

But boy oh boy how I love them.   I will tell you, that over the last year I have made several observations.  Every where you look in the foster or adoption arena there is an over abundance of boys.  Boys needing foster homes and boys that are past the foster home stage and needing adoption. I first noticed this when I was browsing the Texas Adoption Resource Exchange website looking at ready to adopt children.  The overwhelming majority of them were boys.  Now there are way too many girls too but most of them are 13 years and older.  Which is not atypical for waiting children because teenagers are harder to find forever families for.  But what I noticed was that boys of ALL ages were waiting; as young as 5 years old and up.  None of the girls were that young unless that had profound mental and physical handicaps.  This really got my mind whirring.  So I moved on over to the Texas Heart Gallery another waiting children website and confirmed my suspicion.  More boys....

Why? Why are boys so much harder to want and love?  One website I read said that statistically 56% of all children adopted out of the foster care system in Texas are girls while only 44% are boys.  While I realize that statistic is not staggering, when you are talking about 1 million children nationally are currently in the foster care system in some capacity, that's a huge number that are being overlooked simply because they are boys.

Just in my short year of being immersed in foster care, I have heard some pretty negative comments concerning boys in the system.    Just a couple have been:

       - I would foster a boy only if they are under one year.  I would never take one older because of all     of the behavior issues.  Girls are much easier .  

Really?  Girls that have been neglected, abused and abandoned are easier?  They have less issues?  Are less likely to be hyper active?  Are they less likely to be aggressive?  Are they more likely to be able to deal with the sexual abuse and violence they have experienced in a healthy way?  Hmmmmm......

Another comment I have heard was actually from another foster mother.  She was describing a difficult 3 year old boy she was fostering.  He had experienced extreme violence in his little life.  Everything from physical  and sexual abuse to witnessing someone put a gun to his mother's head and threaten to kill her in front of him.  He was, to say the least, traumatized.  She was describing an incident that was extremely  "disturbing" to her.  She said:

"He lives in a fantasy world.  All he wants to do is pretend he is an alligator  or super hero.  He always says he is going to turn into Spiderman and spin a web to save his mother.  There is something seriously wrong with him.  We are a foster to adopt family and would NEVER adopt this one.  He will have issues for the rest of his life."

Okay.... is it just me or is that precious?  Of everything that little boy has been witness to.  Of all of the behaviors that have been modeled for him, he wants to be the "good guy".  He wants to save  his mom.  He didn't say he was going to take a gun and kill anyone.  He didn't say he wanted to beat up the man that hurt his mom.  He wanted to take the chivalrous way out and be courageous.  He wanted to be a HERO!!  It brings tears to my eyes when I think about it. 

When did pretending to be a Super Hero become "disturbing".  When did sword fighting, gun slinging and vanquishing foes go from boys being boys to "issues"?  I am confused!!  Are boys being boys these days or should boys be girls?

My heart is overwhelmed with sadness for these boys waiting for families to love them.  To nurture in them all of the potential that God has put in them to be boys that will one day be warriors for Christ.  

How many scriptures describe warriors?  How many analogies in scripture are about swords, arrows, armor and soldiers?  Our future depends on these "warriors".  Our future depends on boys being raised to be bold, fearless, strong and valiant.   And definitely NOT GIRLS!!

Pray for these boys!  Pray that hearts will be opened to all of the boys needed homes.  Pray that great men will be raised up and fight the fight for the LORD.

My home is full of them and believe me there is never a dull moment.  But I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Great resources for raising boys:

Created for Work by Bob Shultz

Boyhood and Beyond by Bob Shultz

Warrior Prayers by Brooke McGlothlin

Bringing Up Boys by Dr. James Dobson

Psalms 127:3-5

Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate.